Please forgive us our sins

I … don’t know how to begin this. I never, never thought I would be writing something like this here. But I have to. I have to ask you to do this with me, for me. For a child so brutally murdered … dear God I can’t even imagine.

For those of you who mightn’t know, I’m from the island of Trinidad in the Carribean. Over the weekend, in Trinidad, a child, a six-year-old boy, was taken into a canefield and sodomized. To death. Two 14-year-old boys have been arrested and are accused with sodomizing the boy, Sean Luke, with a cane stalk so brutally that his internal organs were destroyed and his lungs punctured.

I can’t tell you … I can’t … My girlfriend at work, also from Trinidad told me this as I was going out for my walk at lunch. You know, something normal – going to eat. We talked of all the wrong that is happening in our home, the heartbreak we feel, the disgust for the morally decrepit, irresponsible and socially inept morons running the country into oblivion. But this … ? As she talked, it sank in – what she had said about this child, this small child. It went into my skin, through it and into my soul.

I couldn’t eat. I could hardly walk. I don’t know how I got back here. Maybe I stumbled. I don’t know. She said she got cold and shut herself in a room and cried and cried. I could hardly keep from sobbing on the sidewalk. My heart is beating so fast from just trying to make it to my office without falling apart. And now, I can’t stop. My sobbing doesn’t do anything for little Sean, or for his mother. But, my god, as a mother, as a human being, I can hurt.

What is happening to my country? If there is an overarching power, what has it to say about this? He isn’t the first child and he won’t be the last. WHY? Why does this have to happen. Why is it happening there? WHY?????? Look at this little face:

What could he ever have done? What will his mother do now? What does this say about us as a people? Are humans always destined to have such evil prevail over the innocents? Why damnit?!?

You know as a parent, you go through the whole “My god, what if this was my child” routine. But as certainly as there is a sun in the sky, I would go insane. Sean’s mother is said to have shut down completely. Of course, she is in shock. How will she cope with the knowledge of the agonizingly slow and painful death of her child? At the hands of other children. How will she function? I want to reach out and just hold her, but what good would it do? If it was me, who could possibly comfort me?

My friend, her words they have gone into me, deep inside. All I have right now is a cold, slimy sensation. I feel nauseous, more than physically. I want to vomit out whatever belongs to the land where I was born. Which is all of me isn’t it? For the first time in my life, I feel that way. It sickens me. I love my home. I love that island more than any other place in this world. And they have their share of atrocities, this is not the first. But this one goes deep. Like a knife pushed into the soul, the heart of what we are.

Here is my request. People are asking that we wear black tomorrow ( to remember Sean and other young people killed in the ever-escalating violence in Trinidad. I’ll be wearing black for him. I would ask you if you can, would you please wear something or carry something black as well? Even something small.

You may not be from Trinidad, but it doesn’t matter. We are all one family, one people. That’s a beautiful thing in Canada, in this world. If you can, please, please remember him. And thank you.

For Sean,

I can only say sorry
my heart can only break
for you

I can only wish that angels
hold you now
safe and protected

I can only love you
in the sad, empty way
of a stranger, come too late
to help

But know that if I could have
protected you, if any of us
could have

My god, son, we would have
fought for you
All we have left is tears


5 thoughts on “Please forgive us our sins

  1. Diane says:

    Dear Lara,

    I am so very moved by your post and by this terrible story. Thank you for sending it to your friends, so we can share your sadness and concern.

    With love,

    Diane R

  2. Gerda says:

    I am also very moved by your post. When I feel hear things like this I feel angry and something like this could happen to anyone anywhere on this planet.
    I will definitely be wearing black tomorrow.

  3. Laura says:

    I don’t know what to say Lara. I will definitely be wearing black tomorrow, Sean will NOT be forgotten.

  4. Lara says:

    Thanks so much for your caring and support. And for just marking the memory of a child who should never have been lost. Love you all a lot.


  5. Melly says:

    Better late than not at all…

    I think too often in our sheltered world we take the simple things for granted. I see my own six-year-old son smile and laugh, eat chips and wipe his fingers on the couch, and the bad doesn’t matter so much because it really isn’t that bad. And if I hug him now more than he would like, someday I’ll explain that some of the hugs (well, to be honest, most of them) are for him, but some of them are for Sean and the others who deserved better than they received.

    Thanks for reminding us of what really matters.


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