Best beloved

I drank the blood of wine
  from your lips of earth
    heard your screams from that
             far away place
                  best beloved
                  tortured soul
why do we do this to one another
chasing through dimensions of the eternal
  where the body
          so frail
     cannot exist
Your claws sharp with truth
            stripped the flesh
       from my cowering spirit
         while I bowed before the grace
            and terror you became
best beloved
                                             tortured soul
The fools who love on rose petals
   whose mewling songs fall as ash
could not understand
        the bond that shatters
    can never know
       mind numbing fright of
       never again being one’s own self
always haunted by the visage of
   the one, the singularity
        that was
              but you and I
                                                 best beloved
tortured soul
             journey through planes
         wading through mutual blood
  drawn from our mortal wounds
                  mad as the gods



I turned to wipe the tear
           off his cheek
               and traced 
            vicious slowness, stroking
down the line of his jaw.
        He breathed in his anger,
his want,
                and I drew my finger
lighter than the breeze
along his lips,
                       the moist desire.
 Parted them to the
fire of his passion,
                       so barely restrained.
                And I wanted to kiss him.
Leaned forward to
      fill my stomach with
  his scent,
                     to know him forever
     in the light,
                              in the dark.
The stranger that fate sent me.
           Bit my lip to keep from
                     as I caressed his neck.
            He burned into
              me with eyes ablaze.
Love and hate
          the line so fine that we
     cannot see it when we
              step over.
                                  Touched his neck,
                            tasting him,
                         drinking him in.
          The pulse of his life
                              a butterfly beneath my tongue.
At last, at last,
                          he kissed me.

(August 25, 2005)

Coming home

It’s cold out there
I look inside and I’m at home
The wind that bites
Can’t win

Within this space
You’ve given me my own domain
I want to hide
You’re there

I’ve never
Seen past you
All these years of hiding fade away
I don’t know
Quite how to
Live without the fire of your heart

Inside the door
You welcome me with open arms
Your eyes see through
My soul

No need for fear
I know I’m safe where you are
Can I let go
Of me

It’s cold out there
But I’m not out in the wind
I’ll take the chance
To lose

It’s cold out there
But I’m not out in the wind

why do I?

how much there is to say
of the virtue of a man’s love
of how his voice can touch the stars
and bring them down within reach of his dreams
of how his eyes can reflect the dreams of many
and hold yet to his own vision
what better thing than to be wrapped
in the arms of the man who loves you
who cares enough to let you be real
who is not afraid of your tears
and lets his own fall freely with you
I have been stronger than the roots of the mountains
but not so strong that my love has been the rock
upon which I have built the house of my dreams
I have carried burdens that he will never know
yet his shoulders do not fail to uphold the world for me
I have been alone in the night of my mind
and he entered to curl up next to me
waiting patiently for me to emerge
I have dreamed of his eyes when no other
dream would get me through the day
and waited for the oasis of his embrace
when the world turned to ash at my feet
I have not depended on his beauty to shape my life
but my very existence has been blessed
by the joyous wash of his voice
his endurance has not carved my way but
he has been my light in the darkness
the eternal can only be found in
the house of my own soul but in sharing
mine with his we have been
brushed by the wings of angels
his love has gone beyond
my body and out into the universe
and my eyes have seen the truth
his mind, so sharp has matched my own
allowing him to come through the
doors of my wisdom
no, not all men will be perfect
and some will rend your heart
but do not turn love away when it is offered
in the eyes of one seeing you with his soul
hold his hand and feel him trembling
see that he is afraid and fearless all at once
and marvel at the grace of his creation

A tear trickles slowly

I watched the tear falling
as though I was not myself
locked in a closet of disbelief
watching you walk away

could not remember
who said the final words
that took my heart away and
left me open as the sky

tears trickling one by one
as though afraid to be seen
in their raw nakedness
no longer cloaked in hope

running past the memories
of where you brushed
cheeks, kissed my lips,
dropping into sweet oblivion

tears welling from eyes
that held you in the warm corners
of my heart and told you
so from across the room

each drop a song
in that sad note of lost
tomorrows played to the
rhythm of emptiness

who knows who is wrong
when hearts do not
dance in unison any longer
tears cannot tell

(February 16, 2004)


to hold another’s hands
in yours
to hold their heart
in yours
to whisper love
to the stars
and hear the whisper
in your mind
to love and be loved
is the greatest adventure

it’s not safe to give
your heart away
it’s not easy to open
your soul to another
can you cast your light
into the dark?
can you weep into
the barren ground
and bring forth the life
that love is?

we never know if we can
we don’t know how we do
but love is the greatest risk
the most frightening journey
it will change you
and you have to be brave
it will hurt you
and you have to bear it
it will heal you
and you will have to find the grace
it will save you
and you will have to know

do not hold another’s hands
in your hands
without holding their heart
in your heart
if you are unsure
do not open the door
to love because
the universe will pour in
and you will not
remain unscathed

Thanks CJ. I wrote this a long time ago and I’d forgotten.

In memory

Why do I write about love?

Ah, if you knew him, you would know
   The sighs that move through my blood
The depth of his imperfection
  The mess of a life we have made

He is my all
   Pretentious and quaint it sounds
from lips bruised with cursing
his name

Through the valleys of time
 he has run behind
and ahead of me
 fading like twilight
into darkness

How we have loved
gloriously, abysmally
in and out of the void

stripping each other of fleshy humanity
 embracing unforgiving divinity
endearing madness for the
 purpose of slaking our thirst
endless, dizzying, soaring

What is this dance glorified
 by others
embraced in song and word?

Oh, child. Child.
The fire in my body
 would ravage the
sweetness of your face
 were I to tell

Your innocence would
 slink away to die
in the face of the
 Crimes that love commits

I write to be free
 of the webs and snares
he has set, like
 traps for rats in this mouldy
Cavern of life

He challenges me to be free!
 That I may cleave through
the waters of the illusion
The damnable boy
He is well worthy of love

(July 15, 2003)